Forgiveness can cure this second problem while not being able to solve the original problem. Without seeing this, the person rejects forgiveness as weak.
Left unexplored, the Modern Misconceptions could leave some people without a path of healing that could have been theirs Enright, R. Piloting forgiveness education in a divided community: Comparing electronic pen-pal and journaling activities across two groups of youth. Journal of Moral Education, 43, A person can heal from the pain caused by another without having to forgive.
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I believe 'forgiveness therapy' is potentially harmful because if the natural instinct of the person is that the act or crime is unforgivable they may feel guilt and shame for their inability to get with the program and forgive. So yes there is potential for an added burden rather than healing. Which is completely unfair. Some things are unforgivable ad it's healthier not to forgive. I recall a mother who's daughter was kidnapped, raped and murdered at age nine.
Forgiving the Unforgivable - AbeBooks - David A. Stoop:
She was outraged and offended at being expected to forgive such a vicious, evil man and such an unforgivable crime. Instead her healing came from starting a foundation in her daughter's name to prevent such violent crimes in the future. There was no need for her to forgive and to ask her to do so would be a gross insult to her and her daughter.
While this is an extreme example I think it applies in any instance. I also feel that forgiveness is not a one way street. The person being forgiven has to show true remorse for it to be effective. Another thing I've observed is that it's usually women who are asked to forgive because it's apparently in our kind, caring natures. I don't think it's fair or healthy. I think the idea of 'acceptance' is more healthy.
This bad thing was done to me. I accept it and move on. There is no need to forgive in order to do that. Thank you, Anonymous, for your comment on the post.
I agree with you in this: If a person is pressured into Forgiveness Therapy, then this is wrong. Yet, this is not a fault of Forgiveness Therapy itself, but instead of the one who insists. Good clinicians do not insist. Therefore, when people willingly chooses Forgiveness Therapy, they can experience significant psychological improvement.
The science bears this out. As you rightly point out, we should never condemn anyone who does not choose this kind of therapy. We hold on to anger for though it does nothing to fix a situation we still feel it can.
It is as if it has the magic power to bring back the money stolen from us or hurt the person who stole it. The notion that we can do magic is behind this and prayer. It is not a good notion. To use it for good is a problem because it has a dark side. Why not drop the magic and do good instead?
Without the earning element, forgiveness is the preserve of those with short memories and no regard of the empirical evidence of their own experience. Two scenarios arise: 1- x commits a transgression against y. One of these scenarios provides a pathway to forgiveness. One offers the road to resentment. Unfortunately the latter is the one most oft trod.
The therapist community should stop selling this hogwash about forgiving our transgressor and instead offer advice along the lines of: -Yes, this person wronged you. You seem to like using analogies.
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I does what rattlesnakes do and bites you. You do. Forgiveness serves you in no useful way. Thank you, Ray, for your thoughtful comments to my post on forgiveness. We only disagree on our labels. You say that forgiveness is coming together again with the one who hurt you.
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I call that reconciliation. You say that forgiveness is insuring that the wrong is corrected. I call that justice. My gentle challenge to you is this: You talk of "cold-blooded" moving on. Will this heal the internal chaos of the one wronged? Am I missing the 3rd misconception? While the title states there are three misconceptions, the article only discusses 2. Am I wrong? Forgiveness is a moral virtue and reconciliation is an interpersonal negotiation strategy.
Rehab of the heart is necessary when the heart is broken. Robert Enright, Ph. People have different motivations when forgiving. Six are described here. Might the act of forgiving at times enable the inappropriate behavior of others? What were the developments in this field and where is it headed next? Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. As an Agent, marketing is important for attracting and nurturing new leads as well as staying top of mind to gain more referrals.
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