How does the person make you feel as opposed to what does this person look like on paper? Look for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership, throw the tiny details out: The qualities of a person that help to build the foundation of a good partnership are: Empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability, kindness and emotional generosity. If you find these qualities in someone, be curious about pursuing it further, even if they may not seem like your type on the surface.
Other criteria, like "sense of humor," "world traveler," and "good dancer" are nice-to-haves but don't necessarily have to be there for you to be happy in your relationship. Don't let lust be your guide: People have a tendency to put up with a lot of crap from someone they are dating when they feel a magnetic chemistry with them.
8 ways to find the right partner for you
Magnetic chemistry has a strong power because it isn't something that happens often. When we find someone we have magnetic chemistry with, not only is it an aphrodisiac that we can't get enough of but we also confuse it with the right person e. Magnetic chemistry is great but don't excuse bad behavior because of it. Don't confuse an "emotional roller coaster" with being crazy about someone: When someone isn't fully emotionally available to us or we don't know where they stand, it creates a type of anxiety.
The anxiety has a way of taking over our brains to the point where our thoughts are all consumed by this person. We're constantly thinking about where they are and what they are doing. Before we know it, we start planning our lives around them. Maybe you decide to keep your calendar open just so you don't miss an opportunity to see this person. When the person validates and affirms you, it feels great! On the flip side, when they remove themselves emotionally, ignore, manipulate or berate, it feels like the worst thing in the world.
Soon the relationship has turned into a see-saw of high-highs and low-lows, which can make us feel a bit crazy or out of our element. Don't confuse these type of feelings with love.
Find someone you can be yourself around: This may sound cliched but it's true. Picking a partner where you feel like you can be percent yourself with no judgment and complete acceptance is a wonderful and liberating feeling. In life it can be difficult to find venues where you can truly be yourself. A relationship should be your safe and comfortable place where you don't have to keep a mask on.
Don't keep waiting for something to change that obviously won't: The longer you stay in a situation that you know is ultimately doomed or doesn't align with your personal values, the more you block yourself from having the opportunity to meet the right person.
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Be clear with yourself about what you will and won't accept and know what your deal-breakers are. Once you become clear on those things, it is easier to make a decision about the fate of a relationship. Have fun! The less pressure you put on yourself, the happier you are with yourself, and the more at ease you are will create a space to attract the right kind of people to you.
Sometimes it takes seeing a lot of what you don't want to figure out what you do want. Enjoy yourself! This article originally appeared on Pamela's Punch. Licensed psychotherapist, writer, public speaker and anti-war activist. Real Life. Real News. Real Voices. Over time, and with enough effort, you can change the way you think, feel, and act. With the right resolution skills, conflict can also provide an opportunity for growth in a relationship.
When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of often unrealistic expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.
Distinguish between what you want and what you need in a partner. Wants are negotiable, needs are not. Wants include things like occupation, intellect, and physical attributes such as height, weight, and hair color. For example, it may be more important to find someone who is:.
The Key to Finding Your Ideal Partner in Life
Needs are different than wants in that needs are those qualities that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick cocktail at a bar before last call. When looking for lasting love, forget what looks right, forget what you think should be right, and forget what your friends, parents, or other people think is right, and ask yourself: Does the relationship feel right to me? Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends.
When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. The dating game can be nerve wracking. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.
Focus outward, not inward. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities. Be curious. Be genuine. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire.
Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. Put your smartphone away. Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure job interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love. Instead of scouring dating sites or hanging out in pick-up bars, think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to expand your social circle and participate in new events.
Make having fun your focus. At some point, everyone looking for love is going to have to deal with rejection—both as the person being rejected and the person doing the rejecting. By staying positive and being honest with yourself and others, handling rejection can be far less intimidating.
Looking for love? These tips will help you find lasting love and build a worthwhile relationship.
The key is to accept that rejection is an inevitable part of dating but to not spend too much time worrying about it. Be grateful for early rejections—it can spare you much more pain down the road.
If it happens repeatedly, though, take some time to reflect on how you relate to others, and any problems you need to work on. Then let it go. Dealing with rejection in a healthy way can increase your strength and resilience. Acknowledge your feelings. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay in touch with your feelings and quickly move on from negative experiences. Red-flag behaviors can indicate that a relationship is not going to lead to healthy, lasting love.
Trust your instincts and pay close attention to how the other person makes you feel. If you tend to feel insecure, ashamed, or undervalued, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. The relationship is alcohol dependent. You only communicate well—laugh, talk, make love—when one or both of you are under the influence of alcohol or other substances. For some people commitment is much more difficult than others.
Nonverbal communication is off. Jealousy about outside interests. Controlling behavior. There is a desire on the part of one person to control the other, and stop them from having independent thoughts and feelings. The relationship is exclusively sexual. There is no interest in the other person other than a physical one. A meaningful and fulfilling relationship depends on more than just good sex.
No one-on-one time. One partner only wants to be with the other as part of a group of people.