Guide BROKEN: A Pastors Wife Shares Her Story

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Latoshia Shunta Daniels, 39, repeatedly yelled the line while blasting Brodes Perry, 36, in the head and chest at his apartment in Collierville, Tennessee, last Thursday. The woman talked for half an hour before Perry came home from his job as a pastor at Mississipi Boulevard Christian Church. Daniels is said to have begun opening fire on Brodes Perry as soon as his spouse opened their front door, Arkansas Online reported. She also struck Tabatha Perry in the shoulder with a bullet as she knelt beside her dying husband, police say. I heard Andy Stanley once say, —Scripture tells us that God says to love your wife as Christ loved the church, but He never said to love the church.

You want to bring up Matt. I am grateful that my husband honors me. Some of you pastor are imposers and lairs. The people at the church where I now pastor are great. Very loving. Very friendly and for me, my demands have increased because there is so much to oversee within the church and some people forget how many responsibilities a pastor has each day and each week.

My wife misses out too and our brief time together before we both fall asleep is precious. She knows the burdens I face and she bears them with me too sometimes. R, thankfully you try hard to offer great advice to Pastors. As a Family Tx this process is quite familiar. When workaholics are in ministry great advice never works for they are as driven as any drug addict. Addictions requires interventions with the family members and boards.

The codepend members are as responsible for the workaholic as he is. The overfunctioning person starts his behavior as a child. I am saddened and also reminded of the year that almost did my marriage in. Of course that was from a church that was abusive to us both.

But instead of us being made stronger, it almost broke us apart. We have been healed now through being at a loving church. Thank you for sharing. I pray for both husband and wife in this situation and all those clergy families out there dealing with the added pressures that come upon their lives. I too am a pw who could, at one time, identify with many of this womans feelings.

Thankfully my husband and i HAVE sought a wonderful Christian councelor and are both working to do our part in balancing this demanding life of ministry. A large part of this responsibility does fall on our husbands to prioritize their time, but I wish I could share with her what the Lord did in my heart through these circumstances.

DEAR Sister, my heart hurts for the loneliness you feel. Not long ago I could have said many of the SAME things about my husbands time management and our feelings in our marriage. Hope was not even in my vocabulary. During the last few months God has been dealing with both our hearts in these matters and is healing our marriage. If I could share with you humbly from a place of compassion the things that God has taught me, i pray your heart can hear.

Dont give up hope on your marriage. Satan wants to destroy you both and this is his method. Begin my determining in your heart that you will not allow Satan to destroy your relationship with your Savior!!! Please seek God earnestly in prayer for yourself AND your husband. Revive an intimate relationship with Christ. It always amazes me how God uses my pain and vulnerablities to strengthen my husband and his ministry.

It can be painful, but remember how He can revive the literal Dead!! I do pray you can find a great Christain councelor and begin this journey. GOD bless!! For years I too felt like my husband was having a love affair with the church. When I tried to talk to him about it, he just told me I was adding to his stress. So I suffered in silence. The loneliness I felt resulted in a strong attraction to an attentive male co-worker. For years I fought to keep my heart, words, and interaction with this man pure.

Thanks be to God, He finally stepped in and woke my husband up to the seriousness of my despair. As a young pastor, I fit that mold to a tee. For over 30 years I was a performance, performance, performance pastor ………7 days, 24 hours a day pastor who loved affirmation and recognition. I was accountable to no one and wore the mask of sin-management which is an oxymoron. In fact, I was 57 before I had anyone in my life who I could bear my heart to.

I was Senior Pastor of one church for 26 years and a controller at church as well as at home. My sweet wife loved me unconditionally, followed me, loved me, prayed for me and was a person of grace but in reality she was always 2nd to ministry so sad. We have three adult children with 8 grandchildren and our marriage is in its 48th year. I can say today that there has never been a time in my life when I have been more excited about Christ, His Word, His Church and His destiny for my life than I am on this day. Jerry Falwell, Sr.

Today, I am a very grateful man because God in His grace strategically planted people of grace along my journey to help me, encourage me, forgive me and to mentor me. Helping our own pastor friends in authenticity, transparency, vulnerability and being real is a must today. Sadly, the above mentioned family situation is just an indication of the hidden multitudes of pastoral families who are in great need today. What are we going to do about it?

We are overwhelmed in requests today in missions, church planting, church revitalization and other worthy programs, however, we are losing pastors and their families along the way. I am a broken-world pastor who sees a great need amongst our brethren. In that writing process I interviewed dozens of pastors and families and the conclusion was mind-boggling and sad.

However, I have never forgotten what could have been had I not heeded the voice of the Holy Spirit to do what was right in fulfilling the responsibility in our marriage. I found myself making excuses for not being with my family. My wife and I separated for about three months. She took our children, we had two little ones at that time, and went to her folks in Idaho — we lived in North Carolina.

God used that time of separation to show me where my real priorities were. He showed me that I was NOT fulfilling the real calling and responsibility in my life… 1 wife, 2 family and, 3 service. We had the prayers and love of a great church with us. Our Christian friends and family were very supportive during this time…but I realized that it was me who needed to change my heart and life and look at the blessings He gave me. My wife and children came back.

During that time of separation her parents were also very supportive. They never took sides but encouraged her to come back and make it work. We did and God has blessed us immensely. We now have four grown children, four grandchildren and I give our heavenly Father all the credit for taking care of us.

Also, I will NEVER forget that time in our life…it taught me a very valuable lesson about my responsibility to my family and the needs of a loving wife. My heart breaks for this lady and I pray that God the Father will help this pastor to reevaluate his priorities and the direction that he needs to take. As his family grows in the Lord, thus will his ministry because of his obedience. My husband became a senior pastor in I was ready to leave. I felt abandoned. When tempted by another man, that woke us both up. We got counseling and it was a hard road back, but it was worth it. We both understand that there is give and take on both parts.

Philippians 2 is SO important for couples. The self-esteem heresy that has infiltrated the church is the cause of so much turmoil in marriages today. Our son is now married, our daughters are out on their own, and we are happy empty-nesters. My husband travels internationally about 4 times a year.

When he gets frequent flyer miles, I get to go along for free :D. I cannot imagine my life without my husband. He is my friend, my lover, my partner, my counselor and so much more. I hope and pray that this PW gets the counseling she needs as well as counseling with her husband. It really helped us because we both had to humble ourselves before the Lord and admit we were both at fault and needed to repent.

Once that happened, the road to a good marriage was much easier. What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing your own vulnerabilities. Praise God for His faithfulness to you! I remember too well the day my daughter, who was in middle school at the time, came into my office and said she needed to make an appointment with me. I asked her what was wrong and of course started looking at my calendar to see when my next open time was. It was over a week away. I just need some time with him in my life. I cancelled or moved appointments that were not of immediate importance and low and behold, the next evening my daughter and I went out on a father daughter night on the town.

It is amazing how others can become more important than the gift of the family God has given a pastor. Since that day, I intentionally calendar in time for my family as a whole and individually, and unless it is of an emergency nature, no one changes it. That is so sad. Actually, a simple look at the New Testament church shows that a group of men ministered in the church.

They all took turns teaching on Sundays, ministering weddings and funerals, but each had his gift of a certain specific, making the leadership group well rounded. Most of all they loved The Lord, and their lives, and the lives of their families showed it. I am interested to hear what people have to say about 1 Corinthians as it pertains to this discussion.

And he told them to live as if they were unmarried for the sake of the Gospel? Sure, pastors work a lot. But, considering the expediency and the importance of ministry, is this not to be expected? Is the biblical model not one of sacrifice for the sake of the kingdom of God? Could part of the problem possibly be that our idea of marriage is formulated from Western idealism that comes from a barrage of love songs and romantic comedies?

Is the reason marriages are suffering not because the marriage itself is flawed, but because it is not living up to standards placed on marriage by the world that God never intended marriage to have? Could it be that we have a poor theology of marriage? Tripped over this while doing another search. I see this situation over and over again. Believe me…I get it. Please, if she is up for it, have her contact me at Reclaiming Victory Ministries, info below. You can let off some steam about it for his benefit. There is no harm in convincing the P that this matter requires urgent, immediate attention.

He needs to realise how you feel. It means strong support for developing good communication both ways so the marriage can continue. It will blow, errupt so plan to make the blow a good one for two way communication. Oh my… As I read this tears begin to fall. I feel this same kind of pain I to have a husband in the ministry going on 4 years. This was several weeks ago, and since then I have felt God leading me to respond to your post.

This morning, I had to find it and respond. As a PW for over 30 years, one of the main things I have learned is this. My expectations that my husband will meet all my needs, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually usually end in being disillusioned. My heart and prayers go out to you. You must remember that God is the only one who can change your husband. Not your feelings, not your desires, not your opinions — only God.

Broken: A Pastor's Wife Shares Her Story by Carol DuPré

Your full trust must be in Him. He can fill you with His peace, His love. When you are filled with Him, your husband will begin to see Christ in you and God will begin to speak to his heart, mind, and soul. I pray for God to begin to heal your hurt, your desperation. You might not want to trust God right now — I understand that — but do it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

God loves me — repeat that as many times as it takes. Who else does that for you? He hears your desperate cries, catches all of your tears. You are not alone. I pray for this momentous decision you are thinking about making out of desperation. I pray you have received the help you need, that you will renew your relationship to God. I pray you will receive this note with all the love that God has filled me with to communicate with you, that it is not just more than just platitudes or words.

Do you continue to bear it all yourself or give it Him? That is your choice, dear one. After many years in ministry, I have come to the conclusion that I will thankful enough for the Lord to keep me faithful to the end. Brothers, it is okay if you never plant a church. Keep loving Jesus. Keep loving your wife and family.

Keep preaching the gospel. Keep walking with God. Keep faithful to the calling. IF God grants you a big congregation or a small congregation, be thankful, and be faithful.

This is enough my brothers. It will be more than enough when we are prostrate before the all surpassing splendour of Jesus. It is enough. Feel free to contact me at reclaiming victory ministries in Tigard Oregon. Have been doing biblical counseling for 26 years. Have dealt with this unfortunately multiple hundreds of times. We do sessions all over the country via Skype.

I feel for this lady. I myself endured the same type of neglect during my first marriage more than 45 years ago now. I would cry, pace the floor, call the hospital switchboard who told me he was not at the hospital ; and finally go to bed and cry myself to sleep. I cried and cried, and then asked a girlfriend who had been divorced what I should do. She gave me the name of a Christian counselor, and I went to see him. He said most all of his clients are married to either doctors or preachers! Well, long story short, I finally woke up to the situation, got myself a good lawyer and divorced the cad.

BTW, fifteen years later I met and married a totally devoted man, who took wonderful care of me and was faithful in every respect, until the day he died. I count my blessings for the Lord having provided him for me. Where she needs prayers, but she can probably use some love and sympathy from those in the church.

But besides this, there should be answers as this is not an uncommon situation! So there should be someone that has some viable answers and solutions. Many times a problem could exist and no one knows.


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Then when the home flame quit burning. Where status can interrupt quite a bit. Or the demands of the congregation. As well as not being in contact with homelife. But who knows how to? Again seperate the societal conditioning of culture and learning to have brotherly and sisterly love is more valuable than any academic knowledge.

Again a priest preacher or otherwise can be put on a pedestal and no one realizes his home needs. Which is common too. It also happens to physicians.

Giving God The Broken Pieces Of Our Heart I Ep 95 I See Hear Love

Same way in the church. God help us and save us from our not being vulnerable enough to be able to be close to. Think about all the tears held in or cried alone. Where we emphasize toughness and distance which the Bible teaches against! When we become numb to each other, it contributes to those lost in drugs and alcohol. Where so many social ills are created from such. Again the Bible says this. Galatians chapter 5, fruits of the spirit. Where the tender feelings of a lady, mmmmmmm.

I AM in a similar situation. For 6 years my husband had said that he will change but nothing changes…. He pastors a small church and sometimes I hunk he thinks he has to be their savior!!!! Cried myself to sleep last night!!!! I know this is not the life god wants for me!! When my husband took his first church, we moved away from everyone I knew. He had his family, his ministry, and his hometown. I had very little.

I struggled with depression, loneliness, the works. About five years into our marriage, I accepted the mistress. I mean how could I compete? I decided that my husband could not be my whole world. I got used to him being gone. I found other things to fill my life. I was happy. But, then my husband became jealous of my life.

He got angry with my neglect. Please understand we had a healthy and happy physical relationship and short amicable conversations. I submissively gave up my little hobbies or projects and tried to do better, only to be left alone once more. Then came the depression, acceptance, fillers, his jealousy, and his anger. The cycle repeats again. This time in our 10th year , he says that he is going to put me first. One that makes him feel like I have nothing else in this world to look forward to than him coming home.

And a second that pursues a secret life all my own, disconnected from the man that breaks my heart. Is it right to keep secrets so that we both can be happy? The mask and the pretending is too heavy for me.

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There has been unfaithfulness with multiple women, girls from internet. I crave to have a relationship at least 10mins a day for him to give me his attention or to just pray together. I feel IIke I live with a roomate. The silent pain is excruciating. My heart is crushed, I started having severe panic attacks.

I feel so confused. Yet I go to church on Sunday and pretend we are this happy family. They put Pastors on the pedestals and forget that they are humans. Everyday the confusion overtakes me if I should run or the will of God for me to keep spending time on my knees and fight for this marriage. I hope this can reach others. Sadly, this is my everyday life as well. The only difference is years ago when all of it began, my husband, who is a Minister now, and I were not married.

We were living for the world and I was ready to throw the towel in and walk out. I hated it and wanted it gone. I knew the only thing that could save us was God. The Lord even dealt with me about sending my children on the church bus to go to church and neither parent was going. So I found this church and completely surrendered to Christ and for months it was just me and my 5 children going. But God promised me, he would give me my true hearts desire and give me back double. And I give him the highest praise because he surely did. Within 6 months my husband not at the time married started attending.

Then a few weeks after that he laid it all at the altar. For a man, to only know that lifestyle growing up and had to have it everyday as an adult just lay it down and never look back, I knew it was God… As we both were growing in Christ , we sustained from having sex. We stayed in the same house but we kept our restraints and stood on the word. We got married and he became the Pastors Steward. Another year had passed after that and he went to school to become an ordained minister. I was looking at the double God was giving me. But when he became the minister I started seeing a change in him and our Pastor.

I reached out to our Pastor for counseling. After 2 sessions they stopped and I was told by my Pastor that my husband and I had to find away to work things out on our own. I went to the Pastor and was ignored as well. I I realized it was never about Gods Kingdom, it was about his own And my husband was very obedient to him.. I felt betrayed by both of them and other church members.

Confessions of a Broken Pastor’s Wife

I was pushed away, not listen to and my children the same. We would cry out and ignored. I cried and repented because God was dealing with me too. Instead of giving my problems to him and having faith in him, I gave them to my Pastor and put my faith in him as well.. I started off in the right path and gave my husband at the beginning to Christ but somehow through him to the Pastor in the end. Instead of him learning to walk in Christ. While the children and myself are pushed away. My husband has been manipulated and has been made to believe his own wife is against him and is jealous.

So we have been dealing with all this for the last few years. God hold all the power not my now husbands pastor and not my ministering husband. Yes my husband betrayed me, yes my pastor betrayed me, and yes my church betrayed me. But honestly I have to also check myself, I should have never put that much faith in man. God never betrayed me… All I needed to apply was that word and believe in it.

It gives you the order in your walk in and with Christ. Before God created the church he created family, before family, he created marriage, before marriage he created man before man was God alone. God clearly laid it out for us in that order. We had believers need to follow that order.

That order needs to be preached in the churches by our leaders and we need to see it being done by our leaders as well. Pastors that stand on the word and follow that order and speak the truth will have less calls for help from the church because his congregation will hear the true word of God and see the true word of God in their Pastor. If your a leader in the church or have any position in the church and your home is broken, somewhere the church is broken too.

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The only relationship that is more important than the one you have with your spouse is the one you have with God. But believers I tell you that God can turn your situation around no matter how bad it may seem. By his power it can be done… I had to let go and let God. Just like before my husband was still at home smoking and drinking and because of my faith, my prayer, my standing on the word see what God did for me.. Not my husband, not for the Pastor of the Church, not the church. Hold on. My wife has developed a very deep friendship with our pastor. She has very deep theological questions.

He is up at all hours of the night, as it sounds like is par for the course among pastors, and frequently they are text messaging and facebook messaging each other anywhere from 2am to almost 5am. My wife has some insomnia probably due to stress. I thought everything was going perfectly. Long story short, we are now arguing over these middle of the night conversations. We have at most 30 people on a Sunday, one service, and the majority of the people are on public aid. I have a blue collar job and am unfortunately probably one of the wealthier members.

So, is it appropriate for this to be going on? Am I wrong to be upset about this? Danger, for sure. Our last date was eight months ago. Our first 11 years were bi-vocational and now we are just starting our 3rd year of full-time ministry. We have 4 kids. We live in the community where my husband is pastor, our kids attend the public school here and it is a very small community around They live in a town about miles away. I immediately got the response I somewhat expected.

Pastor, Pastor’s Wife~ What Breaks Your Heart, What Keeps You Going?

Just one. Am I out of line? Am I asking too much? Why do I feel guilty for having asked now? I empathize with you. Family is our first ministry. I also pray you can navigate past hurt feelings and any bitterness against your husband and church. Your husband has a powerful opportunity to demonstrate Eph 5: 25 to husbands, that is to love your wife as Christ loved the church. The church is the bride of Christ and he died for her. May your husband be willing to sacrifice this one day for you.

My husband and I met and married in seminary. A church hired him to as the bi-vocational lead pastor. Eventually he became full time and brought me on as the bi-vocational associate pastor paid on a stipend bases. In hindsight, I cherish those years of congregational support, compatibility and accountability. Of course we encountered challenges common to team leadership but nothing debilitating.

He later stopped sharing his Facebook video. Gray, 45, took over leadership in May of Relentless Church, which had five campuses and an active membership of 22, when church founder Ron Carpenter handed him the reins of what had been called Redemption Church for 27 years. Gray has control of the assets of the Greenville church, its vision, and the future of its ministry. As the pastor of a nondenominational, evangelical megachurch, Gray is in a relatively small club. As of , the United States had about 1, Protestant churches whose weekly attendance averages 2, or more, according to the Hartford Conn.